What a difference a year makes!

Dear Ava,

Happy Birthday sweet girl! Your one year old today. Yep it makes my cry to type that. This past year will always be close to my heart. There are no words to really describe all that I've felt, learned, loved and remember of the past year. But I want to try to share with you some of what this journey was like this first year of getting to be your momma, sharing with you my favorite pictures of you from this year. Ready, here we go!

Lets start here, this is me and your dad just before we meet you, you can see in our faces the excitement and joy we were feeling anticipating finally getting to hold you in our arms.

After all the excitement of your birth this is one of my favorite times, just before we bring in all your family and friends who were waiting eagerly in the waiting room, we had about a half hour of just our little family, it was quiet and peace-filled and this is when the tears of joy came. You were so tiny but already you took up so much room in our hearts.

We brought you home and we continued getting to know each other, every day when I thought I love you more than I possibly could, as you grew somehow that love kept growing too. I loved when you were so tiny your big brown eyes were searching our faces too, getting to know us too:

Ah then soon enough the smiles started, this sealed the deal with your dad and you. He will do anything to get a smile or a giggle out of you and oh how it warms my soul to watch you and him playing and laughing together. Those first months at home while I was on maternity leave were just precious. Lazy mornings in our PJ's, waking to your cooing noises in the bassinet next to me, leisurely shopping trips, meeting friends for lunch and I loved my only "job" during that time was taking care of you. Those days we spent together are so dear to me!

It wasn't all smiles, there was sometimes lots of crying. You cried every evening for about two hours straight from 3 weeks till about 12 weeks, your dad and I would rock you, walk with you, we would try anything to soothe you and we made it through together and even in this you brought me and your dad even closser. We also survived your early days of jaundice, blood work, shots, first stomach virus and a cold this year. It's always hard to watch you hurting, I would do anything I could to keep you from hurting but I also know thats just part of life and I can't sheild you from it. but I know what I can do is be here with my arms open to hold you whenever your body or heart is hurting.

I hope we take lots of trips as you grow, those are some of the best memories! You and I went to New Mexico and Houston this year to visit friends and family. You did wonderful on both trips. We of course made tons of mini-trips to Broken Arrow to see your grandparents and visit where your dad and I grew up.

One of my first goals for us was to breastfeed you for your first year. As I predicted I didn't know before hand just what a commitment that would be. I shared my body with you for 9 months and I still share it with you and reminds me a deep way how very much you are a part of me and I find joy in that. Those little fingers on my face, (now your little foot you like to put up playfully on my check), those are special moments for just you and me that I will tuck away in that isn't-God's-design-amazing place that I have visited so much more this year.

At about 7 months you started really showing a preference for me and your dad and would cry when we had to leave you anywhere, (and you still do most of the time). One of my favorite things you also developed around this time was the reach. When your little arms reach towards me, letting me know you want me, it warms my heart and is for sure one the best parts of mommyhood.

I love watching your little personality this year. Your funny and sweet. I can tell you have a strength about you and an a determined nature. When I say "no touch" to playing in the toliet water or Rory's water bowl. You put your hand in real fast and shake it around because you know I'm coming to move you. Your such a smart girl too, you mastered several baby signs already, your favorite is to tell us when you want "more" of something. One day when your daddy got home from work you signed "more" daddy after he said hello after work but was going to put down his things. You're also so kind and loving, your favorite thing these days is your baby doll that you pat and rock in the sweetest way. Your such a cuddler and I love all your snuggles.

So I hope you have a happy first birthday! I plan to hold you close at 11:47 and say a sweet pray to our Heavenly Father of thanksgiving for your birth and your life. You were one of the best gifts of my life a year ago. You made me a mommy and that is something that fullfills me in a such a deep way. The best part of the gift that you are is that it continues to give. As you grow each year we get to know you in different ways, loving and celebrating you for who you were, who you are now and who you will be.

Love you Ava bear!

your momma