Penny's Birth Story

Dear Penny,

I started to write this not long after your birth but just finished it on this eve of your first birthday. This is your story and the theme seems to be that you bring sweet surprises to us - from the moment we found out about you to your grand entrance into the world, you have helped me each step of the way realize when I am busy making other plans God is always weaving the best one.

Your brother and sister came both 3 days before their due dates so I thought Friday the 25th would be the big day and you were born just a few hours past that!

Well for a few weeks I had contractions on and off but it wasn't till Thursday night before I really started timing them and thinking they might get more intense but it was a good thing they stalled out because Rhett ended up having a stomach virus so we were up and down with him throughout that night. Ava told me that night before she went to bed that she didn't think that night was the night you would be born and per usual her old soul intuition was correct.

Friday night when I was going over again what would happen if you came in the night, Ava said she thought tonight was the night and a little after midnight I woke with contractions. I went to sit in your nursery alone, I rocked in your rocking chair and thought of you and prayed over you as I timed them, they seemed to be consistent and had some intensity, so I woke up your dad and we called Amy around 1:00am to come over to stay with your bother and sister. Amy and I were talking and laughing in the kitchen as we packed up the last things and the contractions were still around 7-10 minutes apart. I thought we better go ahead and leave for the hospital to be on the safe side. We drove to the hospital and things were still mild and manageable, another middle of the night car ride. It was my easiest car ride of the 3 experiences, not to much pain yet and could soak in the unique place of quiet and calm all around knowing our lives and family are about to start a new chapter this night.

Your dad offered to drop me off when we arrived but I asked that we park and walk in together because again things were pretty mild. We checked in around 2:30 and went to triage. The nurse said they were pretty slow that night and no one else was in line in front of me for an epidural so they would speed things along. As we are in triage things start to pick up speed and the intensity was building, I notice the contractions were only about a minute apart. There was a lot of trouble getting my IV going but once it was in we headed to labor and delivery around 3:30.

The nurse accidentally set off the baby alarm in transit so we had to stop for a baby count. We talked and joked with the nurses at nurse and I could easily talk in between contractions. We were then into our room and I just set on the edge of the bed so I wouldn't have to get up again for the epidural. The contractions starting to feel more overwhelming. We are waiting on my IV bag to finish which is a requirement for the epidural. I feel like she's being a little evasive on my questions, "how long does and IV bag usually take?" etc. She asks me some questions that make me start to realize I mat not get that epidural, like "Have you ever wanted to try natural birth?" among other things. I told her something like "a part of me always wondered but not right now". Your dad has been sworn to secrecy the other things that came out of mouth during this time.

Then in about a 5 minute span one of the contractions hits me hard again, my water broke and I am screaming and panicking with the level of pain as I let her know my water just broke, She has me roll onto the bed, she checks me and makes a phone call and then I let her know I felt pressure and had to push and out you came! The nurse was right there to get to you, others start entering the room and I remember thinking I can't believe that just happened! I'm glad it happened this way and I'm glad it's done! There you were, tiny and perfect and loud.

You are so many firsts for me including my first "all natural" birth.
It was a special day for sure and one I will never tire of celebrating. I love you sweet girl, my baby is turning 1 and that is all parts heavy and wonderful. For all the sweet firsts you brought me you are all so many tender lasts. I love you Penny-pie, we can't picture our family and life without you and we love you dearly! Happy Birthday!

Portraits of Penny

Penny is now past the 3 month mark and that technically mean she's moved from newborn to infant stage. While I embrace this next stage, I also find myself holding close the past 3 months as the hard parts seem to fade the beautiful parts are being tucked away.

I'm still simmering my thoughts and working on documenting her birth story, it was so unique and big to me as it felt like a wildly different birth experience than I had the first two times that I think I'm still processing it in different but good ways.

While those thoughts continue to simmer, I wanted to be sure to document our two photo shoots during Penny's early days, that turned up several treasures:

Mandy Stansberry did her individual newborn photos, I enjoyed watching her process and we got so many sweet ones of our girl:

Annaleise came to the house to do some lifestyle family ones for us, She worked her usually photo magic and I just loved how these turned out too:

There's nothing like a good mom shot, we are so often behind the camera,
it's such a treasure getting captures of  being in the mix

Is there anything better than beholding your husband loving your tiny babies.
11 years in he can still drive me crazy and melt my heart, usually all on the same day. 

Penny on her quilt, Pink and Gold will always make me think of her and this time. 

Then there were 3,
God's gifts are truly amazing and beautiful.

One of the best quotes I heard from a wise therapist friend to describe the experience of growing families, is that love is multiplied and time is divided. Such truth, it's often a juggling act of the very best kind. Love these 3, I won't always juggle it gracefully but I will never stop being grateful for the gift of trying. Onward we move to another new chapter.

These Days...

 Several things to catch up on whats going on these days in with the Askew crew:

Penny you are almost 3 months! These days you are smiling and cooing and we are all in love with your sweet dimples and blue eyes. You have slept thru the night 3 nights in a row from around 10:30 to 6 or so, which I am trying not to get my hopes up about but has been pretty wonderful. I was joking when I came up with your first Christmas wish for the church program and said that you wished you would sleep thru the night but our wishes might just be coming true. I am trying to soak up all these last baby days because I know they go so fast and I want to cherish the beautiful parts of the perfect weight of you rested in my arms, the slow, heavy blinks just before you drift off to sleep, the simplest things that make you smile - a familiar face, twinkly lights and the wonder that is ceiling fans. We have special time together on Tuesdays and Thursdays when the big kids are at school and these days I love getting to share that time just me and you, sometimes we run errands, we attend ladies bible class or do chores at home. My spirit has always been one that craves a certain amount of quiet space to think, process and center and I am finding these days of quiet are so recharging to me and I enjoy having my little side kick along too. 

*A Daicia Pic - love her eyes captured here. and
I am a little smitten by this hand me down winter hat I've been loving on her.

Oh Rhett, how fun life is with you these days at two and halfish. You bring so much laughter to all of us. Your favorite foods are milk, avocados, pizza and pretzels. These days you are loving the books The Giving Tree, Mama Llama Red Pajama and Goodnight Gorilla. Last night when were reading The Giving Tree you asked me how do you get in the book? You wanted to climb in and put the trunk back on the tree that the boy took away. Your imagination truly has no limits, you keep expanding your Christmas list to include crazy things like "a Giant orange Dragon, a plane to fly you over your house to Benny's house ( while we are wishing for things I wouldn't mind a direct flight either to Benny's house) a live bird and a hang glider to fly me in the sky". You often tell me of crazy things you see out the car window, "look mom a hippo!". Your favorite show is Jake and the Neverland Pirates and you are on quite a pirate kick, you often have a foam sword in hand and like to yell out "yo ho ho". You are a little bit dragon obsessed lately too,  you "draw" pictures that you tell me are dragons, you use a raspy, growly voice at times that you say is a dragon voice. You love lately to wear your hair spikey for special days and call it your dinosaur hair. You still take a good long afternoon nap and I still have you in your crib, despite all your climbing everywhere else you haven't even really tried to get out of it yet so I think we will roll with it as long as we can. You kind of have a propensity with all your exploring of getting stuck places, you got your head stuck in a chair at the zoo this fall, you got your nose and head stuck between a pew and the wall at church the other day and more than once you lodged your foot places you needed me to help you get undone. I often call Ava, Avie-baby or Ava-boo, lately when you are calling her from another room you yell Avie-baby or Ava-boo in the same cadence as I often do and it makes me smile every time. I also love everyday when we pick up Ava you say to her in that thick and deepish voice that is so you "How was your day Ava, did you you miss us?" I love the way you love your sisters and you call them "My Penny" and "My Ava".

After the ice storm we had a lot of tree clean up to do, Grandpa brought you this chain saw to help out on clean up day.
You were all business. 

Ava these days you are thriving at Kindergarten being 5 and halfish. I loved going to a few school events of yours this past week and seeing you in this setting that has kind of been a mystery to me. You have two really close friends that you have bonded with but I also noticed your whole class seems to belong to each other, I wish all your schooling would be like kindergarten in that way, where you love each other and look after each other in the way I noticed you all do right now. You are starting to read, while I have mixed feelings about the academic pace of Kindergarten these days, you are so very proud of your reading. You love art and are often working on "projects" around the house. You have made a few books that you put in Rhett's book basket and you like to read them to him. You and your dad just finished your first real novel that you have been reading together at night, Poppy and now you are on to The Mouse and the Motorcycle.You are a great big sister, you are a natural nurturer and you've mastered how to rock Penny's car seat or bouncer just the way she likes it and can gently wiggle her paci in at the same time to soothe her if I am trying to cook dinner or attend to something else. You learned about deep breathing at school and you like to coach Rhett through using his "belly breaths" when he is having a melt down. He will listen to you and often this can calm him quickly. (It's kind of funny I tried the other day to see if you wanted to try it when you were really worked up but no such luck for the same success) You and Rhett play often together these days, most of the time you have great fun together playing school, putting on shows, playing in your "hideout" but you can also have some pretty epic fights too. You are still petite and sweet. At the doctor the other day, 2 year old Rhett weighed in at only 3 less pounds than you. I asked your teacher some questions at the fall parent teacher conference about your assertiveness abilities as you are naturally inclined similar to me towards keeping the peace and introversion and she complimented  you saying"that girl can hold her own!" and I really loved that. Your Friday behavior folder pretty much has all positive marks except for some weeks you got marked for "Talking at inappropriate times" and I have to say it makes me smile that my girl that is often quiet feels so comfortable she gets marked for this and that my rule follower can can also break out of that mold too as we all need too at times. You want to loose your teeth and are so excited to be 6 these days but I am happy for you to not move on too quick. 

One of our best moments these days, we were playing in the leaves at grandma's when dad returned from deer camp.

These days I've been navigating the world of 3 little and there's moments its beautiful and wonderful and truly a dream come true and moments I've been overwhelmed, frustrated and not always the mom I wanted to be. You 3 continue to be some of my greatest teachers during these season of life. Motherhood brings out many of my best parts and so many of my weakest parts, I am trying to embrace more the value of repair and the power of grace, you all teach me about forgiveness too for I find no one is quicker than littles to forgive and move on in the way you do.

First Days

While we never know fully how our lives will unfold, in my mind these are our last 'first days', and being the 3rd time around you know just how fast they go. For me first days tend to always be packed full of what is hard and what is beautiful, which is kind of a perfect combination of what it seems the parenting journey is no matter what season your in. 

In our first few hours or so of bringing her home - she was so very excited to have her "best, best sister" home. 

Our mom's came the first week and were a big help! 

ah the early days of no make up, no sleep, shower - maybe?
but lots of snuggle time. 

Rhett got to spend a day with Ryan at his office during the first week Penny was home. Here he is so excited! 

and later in the day closer to nap time. 

Penny and I enjoyed a Call the Midwife netflix marathon while the big kids were at school one of the first days. 

I was really hopeful we would not have to do lights but she followed in big brother and big sister's foot steps with a few days of light therapy at home for her jaundice and the dreaded blood draws that go along with. 

Rhett kept his distance for the first few days and wasn't sure what to think about her but as the week went on he started showing more interest in "my Penny" and would give her kisses. 

Watching Sesame Street together. 

late night hang out time

First Family Outing, Martin Nature Park

These words of truth from Ann Voskamp from when her youngest turned 10 are so meaningful to me in this season of family life, I can't read them without a lump in my throat. These family days are so precious and every time I'm tempted to hang on a little too tightly to what has already been or look longingly forward to be done with what is hard, I miss the gift to myself and them of being fully present for what is beautiful now. May this be only the beginning of making our lives say I love you in small ways, big ways and all the in-between ways - no matter what days we are in. 

"And maybe that's what happens in families: I don't know where those 10 years of breakfasts and laundry, loud laughter and dishes, reading stories together and nighttime prayers went, but that wee little baby will blow out her 10 birthday candles today... and all those grinning little kids will be a whole lot bigger around the table today... and 10 years of just putting one foot in front of the other, you turn around and see:

That every day that you do the hard things that you don't want to do --- you're building the family you always wanted to have.

And that's what family means: people love you and keep on holding on to you especially when you're not loveable.

And family is a verb: it's not just what we are, it's something that we actively keep on making.

With every phone call.... every time we make time for each other. Every way we make our life say: I love you.

As many I love you's, as many times as we can, because maybe that is all there is: Love is only real when it's shared."
-Ann Voskamp

Preparing for Penny

Well the count down is on, 

We've been preparing for her arrival and our get ready list is getting shorter and shorter.

Since in my mind this is my last pregnancy I don't feel too rushed for her to be here, I'm having the usual issues I have this stage  -some pain in my hips and weird sleeping patterns but I want to soak up and enjoy this time for what it holds. I really do like the anticipation and excitement of not knowing yet when she might arrive and how her birth story will unfold. If she follows the same timeline as brother and sister she will be here later this week but she may carve her own path at her own pace and that's okay too. 

These sweet friends hosted a beautiful shower us last month.
Amy and I have known each other pretty much our whole lives and Katie and Annaleise have been friends of mine since our OC college days, which I'm realizing was 16 years ago this fall that I started my Freshman year!!

These salted caramel cupcakes are AMAZING and it was so sweet for them to thoughtfully prepare so many of  my favorite foods and beverages (They even had a Dr. Pepper drink station!) There were so many little touches that made this day special like the beautiful handmade bunting banner that one of my dear friends that is out of town sent for the shower and is now hanging over her crib.

Even some of our out of town family were able to join us to celebrate, Jen and I are pregnant at that same this round - fun to get a picture together, Cousin Ian is due in February.  

Ava was pretty excited to have cousin Allie in town. (I keep a little journal on my night stand of funny things the kids say and the other day I was flipping through and saw where I asked about a 3 year old Ava what she wanted to be when she grew up and her answer was first a mommy and second an Allie) I still remember the day Allie and Chloe were born and being there for their births, now they are both getting old enough to baby sit my babies, surreal in so many ways!

With taking this extended time off work, I've even had time to get most of her room prepared. After a great debate I decided Rhett needed to stay in his crib so Penny got some new furniture for her room, Ryan of course being Ryan found a steal of deal on when the kids and I were out of town one weekend and it's been fun to get her room prepared, Pink, White and Gold themed. 

Our moms' were in town for Grandparents Day at Ava's school the other day and since I didn't have much baby stuff left on the to do list, they helped me deep clean my entire house! which was so kind of them to lend that kind of practical help before we start this next busy season with adding a newborn to our mix. 

I've had time to squeeze in some one on one time with each of the kids in the past few weeks, Ava and I spent a day together the other week at the mall and Rhett and I to the zoo last week for a just me and him date. 

So the main thing left it seems on the get ready list is to settle on a middle name, other than that I'd say we are ready when you are baby girl!