A balm for the spirit

It's still hard to believe its only been days.  We've now heard the most tragic and gut wrenching of the stories from this week. We've heard our friends, or co-workers or fellow church members recount their direct experiences of those terrifying hours on Monday. Especially in this area, our hearts have been heavy and aching as we learn more of the full range of human experiences that happened on Monday and we've been saturated in those stories. While I feel its just as important to connect to the most tragic of stories to lay a portion of that sorrow on all our hearts, I know we also long for healing stories, of life, of goodness, of restoration, of healing.

This story was a balm to my spirit and if you need to hear one of those right now this is a great one:

http://newsok.com/oklahoma-tornadoes-the-big-dog-the-little-boy-and-the-hug-that-triumphs-over-tragedy/article/3833468

Its not a perfect story. I know for this little boy and his parents the perfect after story would of been to run out the rubble to his parents arms but they weren't close enough to get to him immediately. His neighbor came running to the scene of his school, a neighbor that he already had a deep connection with. I love the beauty in this little boy's healing journey starting immediately. That this little boy was able to find a familiar and comforting face and could run quickly into the burliest and strongest of arms he knew. I can only speculate that the feelings of shock and fear were washed over if even for a moment with a flood of some sense comfort and security. I am thankful that this is not the only story like this, its one of many. I love that this hug not only provided healing in that moment its also providing healing now to so many others.

A time to mourn

I've lived in Oklahoma my whole life. I've taken cover many times from tornadoes "headed our way". I actually have fond memories of our different shelters we spent time in with neighbors and church family growing up when there was severe weather in our area, I've been at school and work places where we huddled in hallways together. There's many times its come close but I've never been personally devastated by one. To be honest you become use to taking cover and then relief that everything is okay. Over time you start to take that safety and the relief for granted.

My laid back, I'm-use-to-this attitude changed when I had Ava. I thought more about where we should go to be safe. When Ava was about a year old and I was racing home to be with her as the sirens were blaring and there was a tornado projected towards our area. It changed course slightly and  I watched with horror on the live news coverage at the community just adjacent to ours was hit by a tornado. I watched as they pulled a child close to Ava's age from the rubble, only to find out later that child died at the hospital and his 3 year old brother was missing for days before the found his body. That mother was in their safe place, a bathroom as she covered her three children with her body. I still recall the first and last names of each of those kids and family members. I can still close my eyes and see that footage of that limp little body and his bruised and battered mother being pulled out. I've lifted them up in prayer many times since then. I've never met them but I will never forget them.

Then there was Monday. Monday I had the weather on as it was another severe weather day, we had three in a row. We watched to see if or when we needed to get in our shelter. As so many friends and family of mine we watched it all unfold live on our local news. We heard the term "tornado emergency" for one of the first times. We watched the live shot as the massive tornado, was on the ground and staying on the ground as it moved through Moore. Thankful my little ones were both sound asleep for naps because as soon as the tornado was over, the local helicopter news camera showed the immediate impact. Its the first time in watching tornado coverage that my mouth flew open with shock, I couldn't close it - just had to put my hand over it and the tears flowed immediately, how could it be that bad, how is anyone alive? Then they quickly came upon what was left of a school. I know like so many other locals, our stomachs were churning, we knew right then, before the rest of the world would find out soon that horrors were unfolding right at that moment for our neighbors. We watched local familar faced news men on the scene, in tears as they reported on what they were seeing. Our collective thoughts swirling, How many parents and kids were separated? It was during the work day, kids would be in school and day cares. How many parents would get the news their children wouldn't come home from school that day or vise versa, would kids make it out and not have someone to come get them when its all over.

I have mixed feelings about being on leave from work at the moment. I know members of my team will be invovled in the mental health response to this disastor. I know even when I return I am sure we will be treating children and assisting families for some time to come that were impacted by this trauma. May prayers continue to abound for all those hurting, for all those helping - for at many times they will be one in the same.

I want to delicately put this - the loss of life and the amount of those that are children is devastating. Each of those numbers are someones world falling off a cliff of lives forever changed and the pain is searing and will dull with time but never truly go away - but the fact that there was not a much higher death toll continues to stun and amaze me. There's lots of unknown in a situation like this but there are few things I know for sure. As God always is - he was there in this storm, he is there now. I know He has a special place in His heart for the broken hearted and those that mourn as His scripture tells us so. I know He will use His people to bring help and comfort in the days to come. I know that this is too big and in those times its most aparent that nothing can bring healing to what is broken like He can.

Rhett's Birth Story

 

 

Well I knew before he was here I would be writing this post one day soon and I was so looking forward with eager curiosity to what it would say, how our boy's story would start...

 

I do think I was experiencing pre-labor activity for about the entire week before he came. The contractions would come, often in the evening but going to sleep would be all it took for them to disappear again. I could feel that it was coming soon but starting think maybe I was totally off and this would continue for another week or two before he was going to arrive. I was already dilated to a 5 at my last doctor visit which left me with the nervous anticipation about how fast labor could be. 

 

Each morning I would hope that labor would start, we would be well rested and that sure would be nice going into it. As Sunday night rolled around I felt a little sad and surprised that we made it through the weekend with no baby and that we would start another work week again. His due date wasn't for thee more days. Sunday evening I had the same experience, contractions happening, nothing that felt like I should get excited about, so I went to bed and then at 12:30am I awoke to labor contractions mostly in my back, I knew after just a handful of them that this was the real deal. I woke Ryan and we called Aunt Amy to come to stay with Ava, we packed up the car and headed to the hospital. Little brother decided to follow in big sister's steps, another middle of the night car ride to the hospital, timing his arrival also 3 days before his official due date. However, thankful the actual time in labor a mear fraction of what sister's was.  While starting labor after you've been up all day is a little brutal, there is something romantic and perfect for me about that dark, middle of the night, no-traffic car ride with your husband that I love.  So we checked in at 2:00am, contractions were building alot in intensity at that point, I was admitted after they checked me and I was at a 7, they got my IV started and I got my epidural at around 3:00am. 

 

I felt like things proceeded fairly rapidly from there even with the epidural slowing labor a little, I was fully dilated soon and my water broke. However baby boy was turned and not all the way in position just yet. The nurse had me do some pushes to try get him in a better position. He's foot was just under my sternum and curling up to push was difficult. He didn't make much movement so she had the head nurse come in and try to turn him. She attempted and his heart rate didn't like that too much so they rolled me to my side and would wait for the doctor to arrive to do any more turning.

 

My doctor technically could of passed me off to the weekend on call person, but I appreciate when they called her when I checked in and she said she would come in to deliver us. When they rolled me back over that was all it took, he turned himself and got right into position but my Dr couldn't find her keys apparently so her usually quick arrival took 40 minutes for her to arrive. Once she was there, less then five minutes of pushing and he was here. He had the cord wrapped once around his neck but it didn't seem to cause too much distress, his color was good and he scored a 9 out of 10 on his Apgar.

 

There's that moment, the one you've been waiting for. When they lay them on your chest - that experience is the most surreal moments of my life. I really can't quite take it all in just then. All the sudden there they are, a dream in your heart, a little life in your hands, a gift from God that he's entrusted to you, how are you possibly worthy of such trust and such blessing. There he was at 6:31am, in our arms, we waited 9 months to say hello but in many ways we waited our whole life. Hello can be the most mundane of words and then there's those times when its the most meaningful and poignant word in the universe. So we took some time to take it all in before we passed him off for his nurse checks. 

 

The nurses, doctor and us took guesses at his weight, everyone guessed in the 7lb range, the scale showed to all our surprise he was a full pound heavier than his sister was. 8 lbs 6 oz. He probably looked smaller because he was 3 inches longer than his sister at 21inches long, tall and lean.

 

After the great name debate, it was decided Ryan would pick his first name with my approval and I would pick his middle name. That is really how it worked out with Ava as well -just in reverse. I am pleased to say it seemed perfect for him once he was here. We didn't settle on it till just before his arrival. Rhett Hudson, we could finally call him something besides baby boy.

 

The other moment we waited for, meeting sister. We were waiting eagerly for her to wake up that morning so Aunt Amy could bring her to the hospital. Our families were at the hospital also waiting eagerly. We wanted her to be the first to meet him and have some quite time with just us before we flooded the room with the rest of the family. She was sweet and doting and it was one of the best experiences of my life to watch her take him in. Once they had some time together she was so excited to show him off to the rest of the family.

 

 

In true gentlemen style Rhett came bearing gifts for the ladies in his life. A big sister pendant for Ava and a push present for me - a beautiful heart necklace.  

 

All that hair, I couldn't keep a hat on him long because he was just too cute with that head full of fuzzy hair.

Then that morning we spent time with our families. I loved being there for all those first hellos and bearing witness to all that love pouring out over our kids. From the moment they are here there is so much love and joy that surrounds them simply for the fact that they are them and unconditional love is extended just because they exist. Their life already matters, they are valued and cherished from their first breath. I can't help but turn my thoughts also to a little sadness that not every child gets this kind of start.

We were so glad we got released the next afternoon to come home. Ryan's mom stayed with us for the first part of the week and my parents came over the weekend. While my physical recovery was so much easier this time around, the juggling of the two kids helped so much to have extra hands this time around. We had help with meals and laundry and it was so nice to just focus on recovery and and taking care of kids. As with most major changes and times of transition, these past few weeks have had challenging, difficult moments and beautiful, wonderful ones. We of course wouldn't trade any of it and are so thankful to welcome our boy home!

 

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