A time to mourn

I've lived in Oklahoma my whole life. I've taken cover many times from tornadoes "headed our way". I actually have fond memories of our different shelters we spent time in with neighbors and church family growing up when there was severe weather in our area, I've been at school and work places where we huddled in hallways together. There's many times its come close but I've never been personally devastated by one. To be honest you become use to taking cover and then relief that everything is okay. Over time you start to take that safety and the relief for granted.

My laid back, I'm-use-to-this attitude changed when I had Ava. I thought more about where we should go to be safe. When Ava was about a year old and I was racing home to be with her as the sirens were blaring and there was a tornado projected towards our area. It changed course slightly and  I watched with horror on the live news coverage at the community just adjacent to ours was hit by a tornado. I watched as they pulled a child close to Ava's age from the rubble, only to find out later that child died at the hospital and his 3 year old brother was missing for days before the found his body. That mother was in their safe place, a bathroom as she covered her three children with her body. I still recall the first and last names of each of those kids and family members. I can still close my eyes and see that footage of that limp little body and his bruised and battered mother being pulled out. I've lifted them up in prayer many times since then. I've never met them but I will never forget them.

Then there was Monday. Monday I had the weather on as it was another severe weather day, we had three in a row. We watched to see if or when we needed to get in our shelter. As so many friends and family of mine we watched it all unfold live on our local news. We heard the term "tornado emergency" for one of the first times. We watched the live shot as the massive tornado, was on the ground and staying on the ground as it moved through Moore. Thankful my little ones were both sound asleep for naps because as soon as the tornado was over, the local helicopter news camera showed the immediate impact. Its the first time in watching tornado coverage that my mouth flew open with shock, I couldn't close it - just had to put my hand over it and the tears flowed immediately, how could it be that bad, how is anyone alive? Then they quickly came upon what was left of a school. I know like so many other locals, our stomachs were churning, we knew right then, before the rest of the world would find out soon that horrors were unfolding right at that moment for our neighbors. We watched local familar faced news men on the scene, in tears as they reported on what they were seeing. Our collective thoughts swirling, How many parents and kids were separated? It was during the work day, kids would be in school and day cares. How many parents would get the news their children wouldn't come home from school that day or vise versa, would kids make it out and not have someone to come get them when its all over.

I have mixed feelings about being on leave from work at the moment. I know members of my team will be invovled in the mental health response to this disastor. I know even when I return I am sure we will be treating children and assisting families for some time to come that were impacted by this trauma. May prayers continue to abound for all those hurting, for all those helping - for at many times they will be one in the same.

I want to delicately put this - the loss of life and the amount of those that are children is devastating. Each of those numbers are someones world falling off a cliff of lives forever changed and the pain is searing and will dull with time but never truly go away - but the fact that there was not a much higher death toll continues to stun and amaze me. There's lots of unknown in a situation like this but there are few things I know for sure. As God always is - he was there in this storm, he is there now. I know He has a special place in His heart for the broken hearted and those that mourn as His scripture tells us so. I know He will use His people to bring help and comfort in the days to come. I know that this is too big and in those times its most aparent that nothing can bring healing to what is broken like He can.