Ponderings on Parenthood Vol. II

I try always keep my posts honest and for my own process I chose to usually focus on things I am grateful for and blessings in my life. But here's an even extra dose of honesty for a post tonight...ready for it, its not earth shattering and its not new but here's the realization I think I've tried to fight off since becoming a mom, sometimes being a parent is overwhelming. The overwhelming part is that I'm not just a parent, like all the other moms out there I have many other roles that are part of who I am. The short list right now besides mother is wife, supervisor, clinician, bible class teacher, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, granddaughter...all roles I cherish and I find meaning and purpose in. Sometimes parenting can be consuming and then I can't give to other roles what they might need or what I use to be able to do. The journey of parenthood has brought many moments of pure joy, fulfillment, happiness and wonderment like I've never experienced before but its also brought worry, fear, doubt and feelings of overwhelmedness (if thats a word) like I've never experienced before. The answer is the answer I've ran across before but a lesson I keep learning: let go and let God. Trust him and do my best with every day keeping the priorities in mind he has set up for me. He wants me to serve my family first and others come next and along the way he also wants me to be kind to myself. So for all the things that feel undone right now as I look around at a messy house and a donting to do list...I have to tell myself Its okay and when it feels like too much there's value in just being still and knowing that He is God.

food fun

This week besides sleeping in the crib instead of the bassinet we tried out eating some rice cereal. The first round she was pretty confused by the process of eating from a spoon but the next time we tried she seemed to love it. The bib is also very exciting for her. She loves to lift it up over her head which may get her more messy than not using it at all.

sleep update and other current events.

Well funny how I just posted about sleep and said that I felt some good sleep was just around the corner and what do you know Ava slept two nights for 8+ consecutive hours of sleep! She also graduated from the bassinet in our room to her crib this week.

Here's some random pics of her from the last couple weeks.


Not real proud of this one but it got the job done, when we were in survival mode when I had the stomach flu we let Ava watch some of her baby einstein DVD someone had given her. I try to limit her TV exposure because as you can see she was mesmorized by it!


Here's a me and Ava picture from Sunday. I just look at her sweet face and still feel how lucky we are we get to be her parents and that she is "us" - Half of me and half of Ryan. I am guessing the half of me is somewhere deep inside because her outside still looks just like Ryan.

Sleep

Sleep. Probably the biggest thing thats rocked my world since becoming a mom. I use to have glorious uninterrupted sleeping fests. We are talking 9, 10, 12 hour long stretches, especially at the end of a long work week. In 4 and half months I've not once slept 8 hours all together. Sometimes I've gotten lucky with some 6 hour stints but that's as long as they come in consecutive sleeping hours and those aren't terribly predictable. I still feel hopeful a good night sleep is just waiting for me somewhere around the bend. Yet I'm kind of proud of the fact a sleeping fein like me has been able to survive this long with this kind of sleep life or lack of sleep life I should say. Here's some pics of Ava and her soft and cuddly friends that often accompany her on her little trips to sleepy town however short or long they may be.

This is Ava and her Blankey-Bear, she's so sweet when she often squeezes it right up to her little checks:

Rory's never one to miss a good nap:

We made it!

I survived my first stomach bug as a mom. It was the worst timing, Ryan has his last CPA test this week. So he is trying to cram in lots of study time. I was at a training Friday and started feeling horrible at the very end, left and made it A.M.'s, she was keeping Ava for me, threw up there, called Ryan to come get us then had the most miserable next 24 hours, was in tears more than once. All over body aching, fever, chills and vomitting for 12 hours then the next 12 was the craziest heart burn, the pain was raidiating from chest all the way up to my shoulder and my inner ear. I had gone to the doctor the evening it started but as I was afraid of they confirmed with breast feeding I couldn't take any of the good stuff. I could of given her formula for the weekend but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Plus the meds would of knocked me out and I still needed to help with Ava as much as I could so Ryan could study. So we gritted our teeth and got through it with help from Ryan, Aunt Amy, extra strength Tylenol and some Zantac. I woke up today much better. Now off to Lysol and clean the house top to bottom!

Oh yea, and a side note: I thought I gave it to Rory, she would not leave my side all that time, she was shaking all over too and then went outside and also vomitted at one point. Everything I googled said dogs can't get our virus' but one theory is they are so in tune with us they can mimic the symptoms? which sounds crazy to me. Whatever it is, she seems recovered too.

4 months!

Here's some pics of Ava from this week, our girl is 4 months old!

First Bible Class

Ava went to her first Bible Class this week! Ryan and I were substitute teaching one of the other kids classes so Ava went to her first bible class without us. Her teacher happens to also be her babysitter so it was nice she had a familiar face. This just makes her seem so big. I won't lie I feel sad and happy all at the same time. So sweet her teachers took a picture for us of this special day!