It's been a week. I started this week organized and ready. I knew it would be packed and I knew at the end I would feel so much more ready for this baby and this major transition of meeting him and bringing him home. There is so much I wanted/want to do. Well the events of each day unravelled that plan and determination in different ways. I found myself stuck in the confident self assured determination to get at all done and then being overwhelmed by what I can not control and forcing movement to surrendering prayerful to trusting whatever will be will be. I wish I would live just as confidently in the later as I do in the former. I know there is much wisdom and maturity in starting with prayerful surrender and then moving to determined action but it continues to be a spiritual journey I wrestle with. At my doctor visit this week I know most in my state would be thrilled to hear "I really don't think you will go to you due date, I really think it will be any day now" but for me that felt overwhelming and anxiety producing at that exact moment. Of course I want to meet him and am so excited for those treasured moments that are just around the corner of his birth and first days with us, a story yet to unfold with much promise and hope of being one of the most joyful and transcendent moments I will have on this earth but honestly I am okay if that's still a week or two out there. My 11 hour work day today yielded getting all the big things checked off or delegated. We worked each evening to go ahead and get hospital bags ready and other home items preped. I am no longer in freak out land if this baby boy decides to come sooner rather than later. Its a good place to be.
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